Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
