just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
