What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
