I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
