Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
