They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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