i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
