So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
