i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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