I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
