I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am puke
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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