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I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
