just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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