Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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