Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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