are you still at the devil's house?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
