Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
