I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
