Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
