true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
