Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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