3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
