2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
