i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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