I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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