the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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