I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
