Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
