i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
there is glitter all over my balls
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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