hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
