i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
