Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
