Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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