We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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