i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
