SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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