my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
