I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
