It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Damn victory sex feels great
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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