That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
