your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
