I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I stole a fireplace last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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