so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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