I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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