I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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