Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
