You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
