I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
