He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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