Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
